NCET Biz Tips: Criticism is Not Constructive: Try feedback Instead
Amber Barnes
by Amber Barnes
How do people react when you offer to give them “constructive criticism”? What do you notice about their body language, tone of voice, and overall demeanor? Do they seem open, engaged, and eager to hear what you have to say, or do they seem closed-off, defensive, and like they are dreading the interaction?
People often brace for impact when others offer criticism, even if you call it “constructive.” Part of the reason is rooted in a simple exploration of the definition of criticism.
The first Dictionary.com definition of “criticism” includes “the act of passing judgment,” and the first Miriam-Webster definition is: “The act of criticizing usually unfavorably.” The word “constructive,” in contrast, is defined as: “helping to improve; promoting further development or advancement.”
Having led container building activities (i.e., agreements about what everyone needs to feel psychologically safe), for the last 10 years, I can tell you “no judgment” is on the list 100% of the time (even if the intention is constructive in nature.)
In the programs I offer, we talk about putting on “armor” which is what people do to avoid vulnerability or as a reaction to fear. Armor encompasses the behaviors we engage in consciously or unconsciously to self-protect or create distance between ourselves and others. “Constructive criticism” is effectively an oxymoron because criticism is a form of armor and it’s something that triggers a need for armor, thus undermining the likelihood of developing or advancing.
I have heard many leaders assert that people should be less sensitive to the word criticism, but why not use a more accurate word that doesn’t make people want to duck and cover? Instead of people doing a better job bracing for painful information, how about leaders change the language they’re using and align the information they’re sharing so that it’s truly designed to be constructive (i.e., fostering growth and change)? I propose offering feedback in place of criticism because the goal of feedback is inherently constructive: to help someone improve or get back on track.
Here are five key features of effective feedback:
It involves a conversation welcoming the other person’s perspective.
It is focused and objective, not vague and subjective (with words like: “too wordy,” “too fluffy,” etc.). It’s important to offer specific unarguable behaviors instead of arguable qualities or characteristics.
It includes choices and invitations to change instead of threats and consequences.
It is intended to serve someone’s growth and development – it can be focused on behaviors to improve or behaviors to continue.
It is aligned with expectations that have been communicated and agreed upon.
Giving feedback instead of criticism is one step that you can take to build people up when so many are burned out. In this time of uncertainty, fear, and scarcity, leaders need to create courageous cultures that help organizations through crises. I hope that you will join me to learn more about brave leadership.
Learn about Leading Through Uncertainty, Fear, and Scarcity at NCET’s virtual Biz Bite on Wednesday, February 24 from noon until 1 pm, along with virtual networking event from 11:30 am until noon. NCET is a member-supported nonprofit organization that produces educational and networking events to help people explore business and technology. More info at https://ncet.org/leading-through-uncertainty-fear-and-scarcity/
Amber Barnes is the founder and Chief Education Officer at StartHuman (StartHuman.com), a company that helps human-centric leaders and employees by equipping them with the education, practices, and tools needed to replace unhealthy behaviors with ones that promote human flourishing at work (and beyond.)