NCET Biz Tips: The Unseen Language of Leadership
Alexanne Stone
Do you ever have the feeling that what you have to say goes unheard? Or notice a knot in your stomach when someone else is talking? You get a feeling in both cases, but you can’t quite pin it down?
We know that as much as 93% of what we have to say is communicated at the unconscious level. Not only do we receive information at that level, but much of what we say is backed up by unconscious, incongruent body language.
Your body conveys your message before you speak it. The thought happens, the body reacts, and then you talk about it. When you know what to look for, you begin to understand two things: 1) what message you’re giving when you say something to someone and, 2) what their body language says to you in response.
What makes this something you’d want to know? In the first seven seconds of meeting, someone forms an opinion of your credibility, confidence, likeability, and trustworthiness. That means that you have less than the time it takes to give your 30-second Introduction to impress someone. In many cases, by the time you’ve finished your handshake, they’ve already formed that first impress of you and we all know that first impressions can be last impressions.
How do you check the boxes in those first seven seconds? If your communication is judged by the response that you get, then moving from the unconscious to the conscious level will make an enormous difference when meeting someone new, communicating at the workplace, or even in your relationships with friends and family.
Here are some tips in understanding both yours and the body language of others.
Palms up mean open and friendly. Palms down indicate closed or commanding. When requesting something from someone, do it with your palms up.
If you’re not sure of the meaning of what you’re seeing, duplicate it and notice what feelings go through your body when you do.
When you shake someone’s hand, match the level of pressure that they give you…no matter what type of handshake it is. And notice what it feels like. You can always request a “Do Over”.
As a leader you naturally maintain eye contact when you’re talking. Be sure to continue to maintain eye contact when it’s the other person’s turn to speak.
A change in your physiology can change your thoughts and once you’ve changed your thoughts, your life can transform. In a matter of seconds!
By knowing how to pick up verbal and non-verbal signals – both conscious and unconscious – you can achieve success in every area of your life.
Learn about Body Language at NCET’s free Biz Bite lecture series on December 15, 2021. NCET is a member-supported nonprofit organization that produces educational and networking events to help people explore business and technology. More info at https://www.ncet.org/ncet-event-calendar/unseen-language-of-leadership
Alexanne Stone has been a trainer in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) and Body Language since 1991 at AlexanneStone.com. Through understanding both verbal and non-verbal language, she helps managers, team leaders, entrepreneurs, and senior executives become better communicators, stronger leaders, and get solid results!